My plastic surgeon told me I should pick out a pair. “Of boobs? I just want them to look the same,” I told her. Well, apparently boobs are like snowflakes – each unique and beautiful in their own way. She told me to do a little research, and let me tell you – it’s a whole new out there without the Google safe search on… but more about that later.

So – here are my favorites. Please vote for your favorite 3 – choose wisely. I resisted photoshopping my head on but had to add comments. And fig leaves. Thanks in advance for your time, care and attention to detail.

#1 “Whaaat uuuup? Welcome to my hizzy – Pacific Palisades in the Park!”

#2 Wait, I’m getting something…
“Answer: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. Question: What do you look for when you’re tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?

# 3 “I thought this thingy would help me float! Get it off, get it oooffffff”

#4 Just have a sip from the little bottle that says “drink me” – and you too can fit inside my crate.

#5 I got this tattoo after seeing Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick.

#6 Turn on the wind machine, I’m ready, NOW! Don’t make me climb down off this couch.

#7 The Russian au pair isn’t familiar with American beach customs..

#8 Secretary of the NTS (Naked Tourist Society) shows the gold domes of St. Sophia Cathedral her …

#9 Did someone just yell “Four?” Well that’s just stupid – “five!”

#10 “What did I forget this morning? What… did… I… forget…?”

#11 Look – my shirt looks like a shower cap when I wear it like this! Look! I can also make sock puppets, watch!

#12 My intergalactic belt came with batteries! Wait, I think I’m getting a message!

#13 Wall smells good. Like cinnamon.

#14 “You have 30 more seconds to finish the shot. I have to get back to the Hadron Particle Collider to check on my experiments!” (auditioning for the next great James Bond villainess Ima Trampskya.)

#15 This is the nicest dorm room I’ve ever shot porn in! Where did you get these sheets – IKEA?

(I think these are too big. I just want to show my plastic surgeon – too big.)

#16 This is a picture of Artemis that my friend sent me from Athens. She has 28 boobs! Go big or go home, right?