Searching for the Perfect Pair

posted in: Best Of, True Tales | 3

My plastic surgeon told me I should pick out a pair.  “Of boobs?  I just want them to look the same,” I told her.  Well, apparently boobs are like snowflakes – each unique and beautiful in their own way.  She told me to do a little research, and let me tell you – it’s a whole new out there without the Google searchsafe on… but more about that later.

So – here are my favorites.  Please vote for your favorite 3 – choose wisely.  I resisted photoshopping my head on but could not resist adding comments.  And fig leaves.  Thanks in advance for your time, care and attention to detail.



#1  “Whaaat uuuup?  Welcome to my hizzy – Pacific Palisades in the Park!”









#2  Wait, I’m getting something…
“Answer: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.    Question: What do you look for when you’re tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?”








# 3 “I thought this thingy would help me float!   Get it off, get it oooffffff”









#4  Just have a sip from the little bottle that says “drink me” – and you too can fit inside my crate.









#5  I got this tattoo after seeing Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick.









#6  Turn on the wind machine, I’m ready, NOW!  Don’t make me climb down off this couch.









#7  The Russian au pair isn’t familiar with American beach customs..









#8  Secretary of the NTS (Naked Tourist Society) shows the gold domes of St. Sophia Cathedral her …









#9 Did someone just yell “Four?”  Well that’s just stupid – “five!








#10  “What did I forget this morning?  What… did… I… forget…?”









#11 Look – my shirt looks like a shower cap when I wear it like this!  Look!  I can also make sock puppets, watch!








#12  My intergalactic belt came with batteries!  Wait, I think I’m getting a message!








#13 Wall smells good.  Like licorice.







Skipping to #15 – #14 was just too skinny.



#15  “You have 30 more seconds to finish the shot.  I have to get back to the Hadron Particle Collider to check on my experiments!”  (auditioning for the next great James Bond villainess Ima Trampskya.)






#16  This is the nicest dorm room I’ve ever shot porn in!  Where did you get these sheets – IKEA?

(I think these are too big.  I just want to show my plastic surgeon – too big.)








#17 This is a picture of Artemis that my friend sent me from Athens.  She has 28 boobs!  Go big or go home, right?




3 Responses

  1. Big Bomb
    | Reply

    never, never, never say “too big.” It’s like “too sweet” and “too rich” and “too much alcohol in this drink.” When choosing, think wheelbarrow. As in, you’ll need a wheelbarrow (painted to look like a bra) to cart them around with you.

    Seriously — love how you’re handling this. Very proud of you.

  2. Susan
    | Reply

    It was #1 and #6 in a dead heat. But I’d rather you climb on a couch than go naked near the Promenade. I agree with above — LOVE how you are handling this.

  3. Susan
    | Reply

    My friend’s wife is having a double mastectomy tomorrow. I just emailed her to look up this site. She could use some laughs and encouragement, and this blog is the ticket.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

What is 4 + 14 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)