So my decision to go on Tamoxifen went something like this:
Dr. G.: After the mastectomy I’m going to put you on Tamoxifen. It’s an anti cancer drug.
Dr. G.: You’ll probably be on it for five years.
Catheryn: Okay. Are there any side effects?
Dr. G.: Not usually, it can put you in an early menopause, hot flashes, if we can get you through the first three months you’ll be fine.
If you are a keen observationist you might point out my lack of… lack of… thorough investigative questioning. But if you’ve read any of my stuff you already know that I don’t put a lot of creed into doing a ton of research about medical decisions. I credit this as 30% trusting my gut and 30% the fact that no matter how much research you do you will probably find everyone has a different opinion and no one can ever say %100 for sure anything and since I already blew the curve getting 2 cancers at 39 and so who gives a shit how much time energy and mind comprehensive research goes into any medical decision. And 40% I’m lazy. But mostly the other 2. I’d go back and adjust the math – but – lazy.
Whatever – here’s why I bring this up. Weight gain. I am pretty sure Dr. G. did not mention that Tamoxifen would give me the metabolism of a couch sitting, Cheeto eating, Budweiser drinking 50 year old. I will admit to a little blame – I mean I’ve had 8 surgeries in the past two years and what else is there to do when you are stuck inside then let friends feed you and give you wine? Delicious wine… where was I? Yes, so now all my favorite dresses look like sausage casings. I even had to go out and buy a new fat dress at Christmas, a short number with silver sequins – I looked like a disco ball.
All my oncologist can say is “Calories in, calories out. The best you can hope for is to maintain.” Bollocks! One of the best things about getting cancer is at first, when I was too scared out of my mind to eat anything with sugar, dairy, wheat or that wasn’t organic I lost a bunch of weight and looked fabulous! Always awkward when people said, “you look great – are you doing something different” but no matter, for a brief while, cancer looked amazing on me!
I will have to look into the whole calorie in calorie out thing. In the mean time – look at this ad I found in an old magazine. Disturbing, right?